Recipe for disaster
by Noodlejelly
Summary: Bill Weasley is positive that Tonks has a new boyfriend and he’s determined to find out who. As for Tonks…well, she just wants to bake buns; after all, what’s the worst that could happen?


**Title:** Recipe for disaster  
**Summary:** Bill Weasley is positive that Tonks has a new boyfriend and he's determined to find out who. As for Tonks…well, she just wants to bake buns; after all, what's the worst that could happen?

**Pairings: **Infinite possibilities really, read and make up your own mind. In fact, feel free to put your own spin on the story and make it any pairing you like

**Disclaimer:** I didn't own anything to do with the Harry Potter series the last time I posted here, unfortunately for me, nothing has changed since then

**A/N:** Hello, it's more than likely that I've been away for so long that no-one even knows who I am anymore sniff, oh well, I'm back now. This is my newest offering, featuring Tonks and many Weasley's, lots of humour and, oh yes, a dollop of romance. Enjoy.

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Nymphadora 'call-me-that-and-face-life-as-a-donkey' Tonks was in a good mood, in fact good mood was putting it lightly, she hadn't been able to sleep as she was in such a superb mood, a brilliant mood, a best-day-of-my-life mood, a … well, you got the idea.

Bill Weasley on the other hand was just in an ordinarily good mood, the sort of day where it was good, but could always be better. The good at the moment was that he had the day off work due to an unfortunate goblin strike over wages, the bad was that his mother was ill, and an ill Molly Weasley was worse than a thousand angry goblins.

As though reading his thoughts, Tonks chose that moment to stop grinning insanely at her teacup, pulled her feet off the kitchen table of 12 Grimauld Place where she had been resting them for 'auror purposes' and turned to face him.

'How is your mother?'

'Pretty much the same. Mum just hates admitting she's ill, seems to think the house will fall apart if she doesn't keep us all in check.' Bill rolled his eyes mostly to himself as he rummaged through the cupboards searching for something to eat.

He found a box of something called 'dragon bites' that Charlie had bought back from Romania with him when he had arrived last week for a visit. Shaking the box cautiously he decided to just settle for some toast.

'Well she's got a point.'

'Speak for yourself. I'll have you know I'm a mature and upstanding member of the wizarding community.'

'And there was me thinking that Fleur fell for your dashing daredevil attitude.' Tonks smirked at Bill as he calmly ate his piece of toast, the only sign he had heard her been that his left eyebrow had just raised.

'Oi, I get enough of that from my siblings. Fleur and I are just friends.'

'Of course you are,' Tonks said smiling innocently and Bill knew she was only doing it to annoy him and that he just had to prove himself the more mature one in this situation, his mother didn't need to hear that he'd provoked an auror into turning him into a slug or something.

'Should you not be at work?'

'Nope, I'm on a 3 day holiday.' Tonks replied and if possible her grin grew even wider as she spoke. Bill wondered not for the first time if she didn't have some of the Black insane gene that her great-aunt seemed to have in such large proportions.

Bill didn't bother to hide his incredulity. 'And you're spending it at this place?'

'I can think of nowhere better. And now that Molly's ill, it's a good thing I'm here to make sure that things run smoothly.'

'You're the one who causes most of the chaos.' Bill pointed out making a mental note that he was going to have to keep an eye on Tonks while _he _ran the house.

'Nonsense. Watch and learn Bill, watch and learn.' Tonks continued to smile happily as she made a mental note to make sure that Bill didn't sabotage her ever-helpful efforts to run 12 Grimauld Place.

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After 2 hours of sipping a cup of tea and reading the latest issue of Witch Weekly, Tonks had yet to find anything that required her helpful presence.

She had considered cleaning, but realised her talents would be of far more help elsewhere.

She had considered offering to help the children with their homework, but upon glancing at the books and parchment that Hermione had left in the living room, she had decided it would be of far more educational value if they were to learn by themselves, that way they'd be much more prepared for their sixth year at Hogwarts.

She had never realised just how easy this running the house malarkey was. It was only after changing her hair to a short spiky orange that she realised she was feeling a bit peckish and that was when Tonks hit on her brilliant idea, she would bake for everyone.

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Upon studying Molly's cooking books, Tonks decided that her talents would be best used in making buns, not because it was the simplest recipe - that thought had never crossed her mind - she merely felt that buns were by far the most nutritious of all the baked goods and therefore were surely the very thing needed to prove to everyone that she was more than capable of running a house by herself.

Whistling happily Tonks read the list of ingredients and set to work.

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'Ah still running the house I see.' Bill observed with a smirk from the doorway. He was sure that really it was his last 2 hours of reading the Daily Prophet in his room wondering if the snoring Charlie was even going to bother waking up that day that had been the real helpful factor in running the house.

'I'm baking buns' Tonks announced grandly placing the flour on the table and knocking off the teapot in the process, but who cared, teapots weren't needed to make buns.

Rolling his eyes Bill aimed a quick 'reparo' at the teapot. 'That sounds dangerous' he muttered.

'What was that?' Tonks asked suspiciously emerging from a cupboard clutching the sugar, she was sure that Bill was just trying to undermine her helpful work.

'That sounds delicious' Bill lied smiling.

Tonks didn't say anything else as she scanned the list of ingredients to make sure she had them all before summoning a mixing bowl over to her, smile still planted firmly on her face while she hummed a dreadfully off-tune version of the Weird Sisters' latest hit.

'You know you're never normally this happy.'

'Yes I am.'

'No and now I come to think of it, since when have you enjoyed baking?'

'You just never noticed it before,' Tonks scoffed as she measured out the sugar.

Sure she might have mentioned one or two times in the past that she despised baking, but that was ages ago and now she was definitely sure she loved it. In fact she loved everything today; baking, clowns, even angry Potions professors.

'Come on now Tonks, you're not fooling me. What's with the over-the-top chipper mood? Somebody spike your cereal? A new special someone in your life?'

And just at that moment when Bill was grinning annoyingly and Tonks was walking towards the mixing bowl with the eggs, the table leg jumped out of nowhere and tripped her up. Grabbing the side of the table meant that Tonks didn't fall, however the eggs weren't so lucky and had ended up all smashed on the floor.

'Hmm, buns probably don't need eggs anyway,' Tonks mused with a shrug.

'Oh so it is a new boyfriend,' Bill chuckled with a sly grin on his face.

'I simply feel life is a very happy thing,' Tonks informed the annoying Weasley with the most withering look she could muster as she continued to measure out the flour, Bill however only smirked in reply.

'So what's his name? Do I know him? Does he work at the ministry?'

Tonks ignored Bill's childishness and concentrated instead on the perfect buns she was making.

Hearing noises nearby Bill looked up in time to see his youngest brother and sister enter to room arguing over something or other, closely followed by Hermione who looked decidedly annoyed by whatever conversation had been taking place and Harry trailed behind them all seemingly paying no attention to anyone else, not that that was unusual nowadays.

Ginny gave Ron what seemed to be a final glare before turning to her oldest brother and Tonks. 'Hi.'

'Wotcher guys.'

Ron squinted at the scene in front of him for a moment, looking decidedly confused. 'What's going on? Is Tonks…baking?'

Bill sniggered. 'Ah yes, dear Tonks has discovered her secret love for baking and coincidentally was just about to tell me all about her new boyfriend'

Ginny's eyes lit up. 'Ooo gossip, don't mind us Tonks, we want all the details.'

The looks on Ron and Harry's faces didn't seem to support Ginny's statement at all, but then again Ginny probably didn't care if they wanted details or not, she did.

'Bill seems to be mistaken. Maybe all that French perfume has intoxicated him,' Tonks suggested never taking her eyes off the mixture in front of her.

Ron frowned. 'Huh, what…' Bill saw Hermione rather indiscreetly elbow her best friend. 'Oh, right.'

'Tonks is just shy,' Bill said with a grin, ignoring Tonks's insult towards him. 'Who is it? Kingsley? That new auror? Lupin? Snape?'

It wasn't entirely clear whether it was Bill's comment or just the fact that it was Tonks that caused the milk that had once been in Tonks's hand to land on the floor. Granted, some of the milk had landed in the mixing bowl first, but far more was now spreading over the floor causing Hermione to back away from Tonks's general area probably concerned for her general safety

'Now look what you made me do,' Tonks glared accusingly at Bill before shrugging and smiling again, her good mood returning. 'Oh well, I'm sure it won't matter'

Ginny and Hermione exchanged what Bill assumed was meant to be a knowing look, although whether they knew something about Tonks's good mood or if they were just concerned about the state of the kitchen and what Molly would do when she found out, was anyone's guess

'Ooo I know that guy who kept sending you flowers from the control of magical creatures department,' Bill guessed smirking again. He was vaguely concerned about the kitchen but decided that so long as it was still standing by the time Tonks was finished with it then it would be OK

'Am I not just allowed to be happy?'

'Not this happy, there's a guy behind all this, I can tell,' Bill said nodding his head in what he hoped was knowledgeable fashion, although the weird look Ron gave him rather suggested otherwise

Tonks looked at him as though he were a small child. 'I think this is your way at showing jealousy at how much better I'm running the house than you.'

'You're running the house?' Ginny frowned slightly looking at Tonks who was now beating the mixture very energetically resulting in bits of it splashing over the side of the bowl

Tonks looked especially smug and smirked in Bill's direction. 'You see how efficiently I run it, they can't even see the difference.'

'You're crazy. I'm the one who kept them out of trouble by making sure they were working.' Bill retorted

'But we haven't seen either of you all day,' Hermione pointed out

'That's because I used my superior auror stealth skills to make sure everything was so efficient that no-one even noticed my presence.'

Bill gaped at Tonks in amazed scepticism as she ignored him and carefully, well as carefully as Tonks ever did anything, lifted the bowl and poured the mixture into the first bun case

'Didn't you say you nearly failed stealth and training?' Harry asked looking confused.

'Ha,' Bill cried triumphantly.

Tonks smiled at them all, non-pulsed by Bill's crowing looks as she lifted the bowl up again ready to distribute it into the rest of the bun cases. 'The point was that I passed.'

Before anyone could respond to that, Fred and George apparated into the kitchen presumably from their room upstairs. Rather unfortunately for all concerned, they appeared right in front of Tonks who jumped in fright and somehow managed to send the mixing bowl flying across the room, spilling the mixture over most of the people in the room before smashing against the far wall.

'Wow killer pudding. Now that would be one hell of an invention.' Fred, or at least the twin wearing a jumper with an 'F' on it, grinned insanely at all as he absent-mindedly licked some bun mixture of the side of his mouth. Receiving little reply from his just-been-attacked-by-flying-bun-mixture audience he pulled a face. 'Can you all still talk? What's going on in here?'

'I'm making buns…' Tonks looked rather ruefully at the sole bun case containing any mixture. 'Well actually bun now, thanks to you two.'

George beamed happily in response. 'Glad to have been of service.'

'By the way, did you see Mundungus last night? He was rather happy; it was just plain scary, never even got a chance to see if he'd do us a favour. I don't suppose you know where we could find him, do you?' Fred said attempting to sound casual and failing miserably. But as no one in the room really wanted to know about the twins' dodgy business deals, they all shook their heads.

Bill had never been one to miss an opportunity. 'Rather happy? As in new girlfriend rather happy?'

'Don't even suggest it Bill,' Tonks warned as she placed the tray containing one surviving bun into the oven and clapped her hands together to try and get the flour off them as the happy smile returned to her face, rather startling Harry who had just glanced in her her direction.

'Have we missed something?' Fred asked looking at his twin in mock dismay. 'We'd be devastated if we were left out of the latest gossip.'

'Tonks has a new boyfriend'

'Bill's just jealous of my baking skills'

Tonks and Bill glared at each other momentarily before turning back to the other occupants of the room

George turned to Harry who was closest to him and stage-whispered quietly enough so that only those within a 5-mile radius would be able to hear. 'Did you know any of this?'

Harry jumped at the sound and rubbed his ear furiously while George just laughed heartily.

Ginny wanting to divert any angry Harry outburst decided to answer for him. 'No, we only just got here.'

'Yeah and maybe they've been drinking the firewhiskey a bit early, if you know what I mean.' Ron mimicked what one could only assume was meant to be someone drinking out of a bottle. Ginny and Harry snorted in amusement while Hermione looked distinctly unimpressed and she wasn't the only one.

'RON.' Bill and Tonks both shouted in scandalised tones looking horrified.

Ron held his hands up in self-defence and moved a few steps backwards possibly remembering both Bill and Tonks had far more experience duelling than he did. 'What? You're both talking utter nonsense.'

The twins cast an appraising eye over their elder brother and Tonks. 'Hmm, they seem sane enough to us.'

'That's not saying much.' Hermione muttered causing both Fred and George to swing round looking absolutely outraged, although whether joking or not, it wasn't clear. Either way Ron decided to defend Hermione by scooping a large dollop of bun mixture off the table and throwing it at the closest twin. And the twins being the twins were never likely to let that one go without a fight.

It wasn't long before bun mixture was flying around the room and even Harry could be heard laughing as he ducked behind a chair for cover

'Stop this at once.' Bill shouted above the din trying to restore some sort of order

Tonks couldn't have looked more indignant if Bill had just called told her she fancied Voldemort. 'Hey, I'm the one running the house, I give the orders.'

It was then that Bill decided the entire debate was stupid, he didn't want to run any bloody house and being mature was definitely overrated. Wiping some mixture from his sleeve with the intention of showing Tonks exactly who was boss, he was dismayed to find that Tonks had had exactly the same idea and was at that very moment picking up the bag of flour with every intention of covering him in it.

Bill's instinct for survival kicked in as he pushed Ron in front if him and dived under the table just in time to hear Ron's cry of dismay as an entire bag of flour landed on his head.

And from there it was fair to say events only went downhill.

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It was a good few minutes before everyone had run out of enough potential ammo to cautiously emerge from various hiding places looking filthy but happy. Even Hermione sported the smallest of grins although when she caught Ron smiling at her she quickly coughed to try and hide it

In all the confusion nobody had noticed that somebody new stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

'What's going on here?' Charlie Weasley asked in bemusement. He had just woken up from a most enjoyable dream, checked to make sure his mother was still resting and then entered the kitchen to see a scene of little more than absolute chaos.

The floor was covered in smashed egg and milk, some strange goo was dripping down one wall and every person in the kitchen looked as though they had been attacked with half the contents of the pantry.

'Tonks has a bun in the oven.' Hermione finally offered lamely by way of explanation as she gestured vaguely in Tonks's general direction.

Had Charlie been more awake, had Hermione phrased her sentence differently then perhaps Charlie's eyes would not have grown wide and perhaps his mouth would not have dropped as he stared at Tonks who could only grin sheepishly back before he hit the floor in a dead faint.

Bill looked extremely smug as he stepped over his brother's unconscious body to exit the disaster-zone kitchen. 'I knew it was a new boyfriend.'


End file.
